We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years, and let me tell you, it was not always easy. There are tough moments when the distance feels like too much, but trust me, it’s possible to make it work. Even for the long haul. We all want someone close by, and we knew this distance was just temporary. But that doesn’t make it any less challenging. Making it work requires effort from both sides. Lots of understanding, tons of communication, and also a lot of patience.
After spending so much time apart, we’ve learned a few things about what it takes to keep our relationship strong. These tips are just what has worked for us, everyone’s different, and every relationship has its own vibe. But these are the things that have kept us going, even when times got tough. The best part? This phase of being apart is finally over for us. Since September, we are finally living together! So, as we got ready to close this chapter, we wanted to share what’s helped us keep our long-distance love alive. And tell you how we built something solid despite the miles between us. Here’s what’s worked for us in our intercontinental relationship:
Communication is Everything in a long distance relationship
If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that communication is absolutely crucial in a long-distance relationship. Sure, you know your partner, but when you’re far apart, it’s not always easy to tell how they’re really feeling. That’s why open, honest communication is a must. We struggled with this at first, and sometimes we still do. Both Nicole and I didn’t want to burden the other with our problems, but that was a mistake. It took us a while to realize that we’re in this together and we need to talk about everything. Especially when something’s bothering us. For me, understanding emotions has never been easy, if we’re not clear about how we feel, we can accidentally hurt each other. It takes time to get better at this, but if you’re both committed to improving, you’ll see how much of a difference it makes.
Sometimes, just being there to listen is enough. You don’t need to have all the answers or fix everything for your partner. Just lending an ear can make a world of difference. This goes both ways, whether it’s something exciting or something sad. Listening helps you understand and connect with your partner on a deeper level. For us, it was super important to talk consistently. I won’t lie, it can be hard to talk every day, especially with a 7- or 8-hour time difference. Let’s be real, that just sucks.
But you find a way to work around it. We made sure to stick to a schedule, and for us, Fridays were sacred. We looked forward to it all week long, because we knew that this time was just for us, and nothing could take it away. With all the technology we have now, it’s easier than ever to stay connected. Phone calls, video chats, texts. It is all right there, and it makes a big difference. We watch movies together, Cook together (yes also with that distance). We play games together, and even do small things like grocery shopping “together.”
If you’re curious about the tools and systems we use to stay close even when we’re far apart, just let us know, and we are happy to share our list with you. 💕
Trust and Honesty in a long distance relationship
Trust and honesty are the bedrock of any relationship, but in a long-distance one, they are absolutely essential. When you’re miles apart, you don’t always know what your partner is up to, where they are, or who they’re with. That’s why being honest with each other is crucial. Trust is everything, and once it’s broken, it can take forever to rebuild. Sometimes, it’s impossible. So, it’s important to be upfront about everything, even the little things. If something silly happens or you make a mistake, share it. Building a strong foundation means being open and honest, so you can truly trust each other.
For us, it wasn’t always easy, and we definitely had our share of arguments over honesty. Sometimes, you don’t want to tell your partner what’s really going on in your life, especially when you’re going through a rough patch. But that’s exactly when you need to talk. If you keep things to yourself, your partner will sense that something’s off, and they might start worrying that it has something to do with the relationship. Often, it’s just stress from work or other stuff, but if you don’t communicate, your partner might think there’s a problem between you two, and that’s not a good place to be. So, rule number one, be honest and share everything.
Life can get busy, and sometimes you don’t have as much time as you’d like to spend with your long-distance love. It’s important to respect that. Understand that just because time is tight doesn’t mean the relationship is falling apart. There will be good times and bad times, but respecting each other’s responsibilities and not adding extra pressure is key. Chances are, you’re both already feeling the stress from other areas of life.
And most crucial, just be honest. When you say you go to the cinema, then you are at the cinema. When you say you go to hiking then you are hiking. The most important thing is to be transparent and to always communicate. And be honest with your feelings as well. In a long distance relationship a lot of things can happen, but you have to be open and share your feelings. Feelings can change and your partner deserves to know what is going. It is only fair to share your feelings and share what you want or what you expect in the relationship. If things are not going great, tell each other. If things are going great, also tell each other. In case you are not sure about being with your partner anymore then you have to be strong enough to tell your partner.
Overcoming Insecurities
Insecurities are totally normal in a long-distance relationship. As we mentioned earlier, you can’t see what your partner is doing, so it’s easy for doubts to creep in. That’s why it’s important to share as much as possible with each other, even the small stuff. We found that sending each other pictures throughout the day really helped. It might seem silly—like sending a photo from the grocery store—but these little glimpses into each other’s lives can really help ease insecurities. Plus, it’s always nice to get a message or picture from your partner out of the blue.
Future Plans and Shared Goals
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it can sometimes be hard to see where the future is heading. That’s why it’s even more important to have a plan and shared goals for your future together. Maybe you dream of living together in a year, or plan to visit each other at least four times next year. These short-term goals, along with long-term dreams like getting married or moving to another country, can help strengthen your relationship because they give you both a clear direction to work towards.
It’s all about defining your relationship and figuring out what you want to achieve together, where you want to end up as a couple.
For us, planning our reunions was incredibly helpful. There’s nothing more painful than saying goodbye after visiting your long-distance love. We always told each other, “It’s not goodbye, it’s a see you soon,” but it still hurts. It freaking hurts every single time. So, before we even said goodbye, we’d already be planning when we would see each other next. You don’t have to book the next flight right away—life can be unpredictable, but it’s important to have a plan. We always made sure to say, “By month XX, we’ll be together again,” and we stuck to it whenever it was possible.
Quality Time Together
As we’ve mentioned before, technology has been a lifesaver, allowing us to spend quality time together, even with 9,000 km between us. It’s amazing how we can still create shared moments, surprise each other, and stay connected—at least virtually. Sure, it takes effort. Sometimes, one of us has to stay up late or wake up super early to make it happen, but when you’re serious about your relationship, you’re more than willing to make those little sacrifices for each other. We absolutely love these moments. Playing games together, watching movies, having deep talks, and working on our own projects side by side. We even cook together sometimes or go shopping together, virtually.
For example, I’m pretty terrible at making decisions, so often called my girlfriend before buying that hideous blue t-shirt, just so she can tell me not to buy it! Technology lets us do so much together, despite the distance. It helps us enjoy our time, be productive, and, most importantly, support each other, especially during tough times. Never underestimate how much a simple call can do. It can calm you down and make everything feel a bit better. And if that’s not enough, surprising each other with sweet messages or even old-fashioned letters can do wonders.
We also had the idea to create a Discord channel to share our experiences with all of you. Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just curious, about the experience of others. Other couples and of course we too, will be sharing date ideas and tips for making long-distance love work. You’ll benefit from the knowledge of other long-distance couples and can chat with others for ideas, support, or even a fun double-date night. If that sounds interesting to you, let us know if we should start this kind of community.
Understanding and Support each other in long distance
And last but definitely not least, understanding and supporting each other is crucial. Life can be tough, and sometimes it feels like the world is against you, but that doesn’t mean you should take it out on your partner. It’s often the situation that’s frustrating, not your love. We have to be there for each other, especially during difficult times. Sometimes, cultural differences can add another layer of complexity. We’ve been lucky not to have too many issues with that, but it’s important to be mindful of how different cultures can affect the way we think and act. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or arguments, so it’s essential to be understanding and supportive of each other’s backgrounds.
Also the language can be problematic sometimes and add another layer of difficulties, of course we both speak English, but for both of us it is not our native language, therefore we also had fights usually only because of misunderstandings. In those situations it just helps to try to stay calm and to try to understand each other even if that means if we have to ask for explanation for 3 times.
And of course, small fights are normal, but it’s vital to always respect each other and provide emotional support. Being patient with one another is key. Especially when things get tough. We’ve learned that we’re not always in the best mood, and sometimes we say things we don’t mean. But it’s important to remember that we’re never trying to hurt each other, and we need to keep that respect at the forefront. Nothing is more important than that.
These were the most crucial points for us in our nearly two-year-long distance relationship (of course there is a lot of more important things to keep in mind). We hope you can relate to some of them or at least take away a few tips for your own relationship. If you want to dive deeper into our experience and learn more from other long-distance couples, lets us know and we will try to grow a community on that topic, because we know how difficult it can be. We are playing to answer more questions, share tools and apps that make long-distance easier, and host game nights or chat sessions where you can connect with others facing the same challenges. Let’s grow together as a long-distance relationship community! Because we know, its not easy, but its possible!